[Aaaand she's back! Thank you all for sticking around despite my Christmas hiatus. I hope you all had a wonderful festive season, and are ready-and-raring to kick ass in 2013. Honestly, seriously: all my love!]
For the past month, I have felt this insane level of resistance every time I sit down to write. Crazy strong resistance. Like, there is a petulant teenager inside me who is kicking and screaming and chucking a toddler-worthy tanty.
“But I don’t wanna write!”
“But I don’t feel like it!”
“But I’ve been at work all day”
“But I deserve the day off”
“But blah-blah-blah blerg…”
And really, I have let all of my writer’s tools desert me. I have given in to this annoying beast. I have spent the past month feeling guilty about not writing. Which is super fun, let me tell you.
After feeling super resist-y for all of early December, I finally yielded to the feeling and proceeded to give myself two weeks off over Christmas where I didn’t have to feel guilty at all. Permission was granted. I could let it all go. And damn it has felt good. It has been a release, and apparently, I really needed it.
Sometimes brains need vacations. They need time to prance and twirl and sway freely in the coconut-scented breeze. Mine was singing out for it, but it took me quite a while to listen. I think for those of us living the double life of a really-not-right-day-job whilst trying to create the ‘life of our dreams’ in the off-hours, it can be really tiring and emotionally overwhelming trying to get it all done. (Hmmm, first world problems, hey?! And yet it is real to me, and I need to acknowledge it, and I definitely do not need more guilt in my life…) Trying to create the space to do it all – the time space, the physical space, the inner space – can be… well, trying. Seriously, it takes a lot of spaciousness to create. And more so when your brain is overloaded at the end of a workday with a million things that you don’t really care about, which aren’t getting you anywhere, but which you need to do anyway. You know, so that you get those things called ‘pay cheques’ in order to pay those pesky little men known as ‘Bill’.
So in recognition of this time of Resistance, and in the knowledge that I want to steer myself towards achieving my desires, most of my New Year’s Resolutions are about Gettin’ It Done. Because I have spent far too long living in the awesome world of ideas that is my head, but not actually delivering. And to be a writer, you must write. You must deliver. You must ship.
I have always been someone who is supremely ideas based. I love the abstract, the wild, the surreal. I can brainstorm a million ways to combine a teaspoon, a turnip and a totem pole into a weapon of mass seduction. And this is a super excellent quality that I love about myself… HOWEVER, now I want to back it the frick up! With actions, with achievements, with real-life words!
So, in essence, this is the year that I ship. I will explore my inner world of ideas and wonder, but then I will translate that into tangible, ship-worthy deliverance. Shippin’ my shiny innards to the world. It is all I want to do, and I am so excited. And now begins the learning process, the trying new things, the gettin’ it done…
I’ll keep you posted.
In the meantime, let me leave you with these words of Mr Pressfield, he who wrangles with Resistance more eloquently than most:
Resistance and Love
Resistance is directly proportional to love. If you’re feeling massive Resistance, the good news is, it means there’s tremendous love there too. If you didn’t love the project that is terrifying you, you wouldn’t feel anything. The opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference.
The more Resistance you experience, the more important your unmanifested art/project/enterprise is to you – and the more gratification you will feel when you finally do it.
Oh Mr Pressfield, sometimes you get me all hot and bothered when you just get me like that!
Oh, and in the interests of honesty and accountability and ship-worthiness, yesterday I wrote 2134 words for my book. Booyah!
♥
Definitely feeling this post, I’m all over the first world problems of working in a boring day job while trying to shake off the facaded (<- is that even a word!) and structured me while making dinner, cleaning and exercising to then be creative and continue my graphic design and photography studies, no wait – it's bedtime already!
Strangely, when I woke on 1 January, I just knew this year was about action. The dreaming part is done, I know what I want, it's time to DO.
Congrats on making the brave decision to leave your job in 2 months. I am tying my departure in with maternity leave starting this April. Life is good!
I look forward to following your journey this year, keeping each other motivated to keep pushing and moving forward.
Xx
Monika / MB Captured recently posted..2013, It’s gonna be a big, bright, shiny and happy one.